Briel

09:06 pm: Its been a while. The thing about writing this journal is that it's about sharing. Which I don't do too well. It's also about things that other people might find interesting, my life is rather dull. Hmm...

I'm loving my job at the diner. Surprisingly it's the best thing about this final semester. (47 days left)

I am weeks away from being absolutely finished with my formal education. 19 years in the education system. What a waste.

When I move back to Oklahoma I really want to just trash all of my belongings and clothes and just start over with no reminders. It's kind of like throwing away your high school yearbook, nice.

In sum...

I'm content. But I'm also waiting, so I guess I'm less content and more trapped.

08:22 pm: The first of many procrastination posts
Security is...

Leaving the house without your cellphone or updating facebook, twitter, lj, dreamwidth, or sending an email to your mother to go somewhere that isn't on your google calendar.

I am not secure. Neither am I going anywhere. But. You know...I have reading to do. So. Hi.

01:20 pm: Not Very Exciting
My mother is driving me insane. Every day after the workman guy leaves. I have to clean. My mother leaves for two hours during which I sweep, mop, and dust every surface and hang the Curtains of Concealment in front of the construction. Seriously, I had no idea my mother's mental stability was so closely connected to the house. The next day, the workman comes back. And I clean again. Arg!

Also, my room smells like dead meat. I spent hours yesterday "airing" it out, only to realize that the smell was coming in from the woods out my east window, and I had been airing it in. Arg! Dead body in the woods!


Happy. But leaving in five days. Kind of unhappy about that but I'm looking forward to see some friends. :)

11:17 am: Various Family Concerns
My mother has finally snapped. I could see it coming. The house is wrecked from construction. We're getting the bathroom remodeled to allow her wheelchair and the back hallway turned into a pantry so I can finally place my massive food storage efforts somewhere other than under the beds. Sawdust is everywhere. And (of course) the construction guy is taking twice as long as he proposed. He only comes about two days a week. This morning when he called to say he wasn't coming? My mother lost it. He got the Speech. His music, front door, and first name privileges revoked. And he showed up 20 minutes later. I feel bad for him. He's cheap, handsome, and does good work. He's just slow about it. But I'm willing to forgive that.

Now I have to go deal with my depressed (I hate my life. This is HELL! HELL!) mother and convince her that her beloved house is only temporarily destroyed.

11:03 am: Fox Wedding
This morning there was a thunderstorm that woke me up. It was directly over our house in a little black cloud. The sun was shining and blue sky everywhere, except for rain sheeting straight down and thunder smacking the top of the house.

03:01 pm: So my last entry suggested some sort of metaphysical issue I was have with the Meaning of Life. It's all been resolved. It was just a question of doing what makes you happy and school wasn't it. But now I'm in the country again and, while it has its heartbreaking moments, I'm happy here. Gardens, kittens, lakes, rivers, and the damn fire ants.

Be happy.

11:44 pm: I'm leaving the recreational internet for a while. So only email and scholarly like research things will be happening. Not so much that I expect to concentrate more on schoolwork but I have this creeping feeling that I'm missing out on something. So I'm going to go look for it.

09:58 pm: Writer's Block: Life Changes
Stopped valuing money and the things it can buy.


Tags: life changes, nature made, nm5, personal greatness, writer's block

05:06 pm: Anyone got any dreamwidth invites they'd like to share?

02:42 pm: The final nail in the coffin of my respect. Career and Employment Services recommended that I go into the banking sector.

08:38 pm: I liked Knowing, unlike everyone else.

04:22 pm: Spring Break!
Two handfuls organic homegrown spinach. Maybe I haven't recouped my losses from the expense of a grow light, but the spinach was lovely. The light is working out really well. It doesn't light up my room more than a string of christmas lights would, no heat, and it's purple. The test plants (2 beets, 3 spinach, 3 carrots) are astonishingly healthy with deep green leaves and sturdy little stems. (They used to wobble but have gotten past that...)

Today I planted about half of the tomato seeds and discovered that I left my heirloom jalepeno seeds at home (gasp!) and will have to wait for someone to mail them to me. I need to get another plastic tub before I can plant the rest of the tomatoes.

Today:

Rutgers
Amish Paste
Big Month
Red Currant (I plan on making sundried tomatoes with these. I picture cute little raisin like sundried tomatoes. Any one grow these?)


I am in love with dirt.

12:23 pm: Internet Love
All the Oz books are on Gutenberg. It's even legal!

02:50 pm: The page took too long to load. I lost the thought. We all start college pretty much the same, watched the same television shows, laughed at the same jokes, wore the same clothes. Somewhere along the way that changes, we change and figure out with the hell we're doing here. Some of us dropout, some self-destruct, some ride their bikes to different continents and send back Valentine's day cards full of flyers from foreign cities. Signed with nothing but I love you and the assurance that you'll remember them. Some travel the world and some want nothing more than to wake up to the same view for the rest of their lives. There are goers and stayers and those few who wander somewhere in between. So we all come out different having gone in just the same.

08:31 pm: Grace in Small Things
1. There is fog that makes my whole world exist in a 20 foot radius.
2. Congratulations America, we now have a new president.
3. 7 different kinds of tomato seeds which a kind soul sent me in the mail.
4. Having the money to buy all my textbooks this semester! (As compared to last semester. When I didn't. And BS'd my way through a lit class.)
 

01:22 pm: It's officially over
Huge sigh of relief. Grades are posted and mine are decent. Which means that I can start to forget that the entire semester ever existed. I did pretty well, despite my increased work hours and personal issues with professors. Right now I'm having a love affair with dialup internet and reading lots of seed catalogs. I invite you all to see my grow house (for tomatoes) under my bed next semester.

10:50 pm: So. When you stay on campus over break the internet gets fast. Like. Fast. (Ok. Slight nerd. 11948 kps. 100 kps is normal.) This means that I can watch streaming netflix movies. All of them. Every single one. Today was John Cusack.

War, Inc. -- What John Cusack does when he's not doing shit movies. Hilarious, sad (in a kinda truthful, omg way.)
Midnight in the Garden... -- I've avoided this movie for quite a while becasue I adore the book so much. But so far so AWESOME!

02:44 pm: Crying...and it's all Obama's fault.
This morning at the gym Obama was announcing his choices for economic chairs etc. It was a boring speech, there was no sound and the subtitle were screwy. But, painfully lifting 10 pounds with a muscle which refuses to exist, I started to cry. The man is evil, the mere sight of him sends me into tears. Traumatizing.

09:58 am: Hello World,

 
  Since I last made any meaningful update...


 I have two plants. I dote upon them with all my heart and they are gorgeous. I have become even more obsessive about farming etc. and during class I take two sentences of notes and fill the rest of the page with vegetable garden diagrams and greenhouse plans. One of the reasons I've been so silent this semester is that I'm working twice as much as usual and don't really have any extra time (hey, Supernatural is totally essential). 

Someone made an entry recently regarding mental health and diversity of friends (old, new, etc). Well, in real life I have about five friends (which I'm perfectly content with). Only three of which are in my timezone. That seems pitiful but when you add the online life (I'm defining friend as if I'd feel okay about showing up on your doorstep, even though we've never met) I'm pulling a respectable twelve. So here's to you flist, thanks for keeping me sane. :)

11:28 pm: There was a moment tonight. When Obama had won (and so clearly) and we were stupid with happiness. We all ran outside and joined several hundred people who also ran outside. We chanted and screamed and were generally some of the happiest people you've ever seen. Then someone started to sing the national anthem. Then everyone joined in and it echoed and people were crying and screaming. I've never been so proud. Look at what we did.